The Last Lion

Don't Just Take My Word for It....

The always insightful Jonah Goldberg on the New Messiah and a level-headed approach to dealing with him (italics are mine):

"I was on Fox News the other night to throw some cold water on this Obama-as-Lincoln stuff. Alan Colmes of Hannity & Colmes chastised me, asking if we shouldn’t give Obama “a chance to actually spread his wings and fly a little bit” before disparaging him.

Fine. I actually agree with that. Conservatives should not denounce Obama’s performance before he’s had a chance to, you know, perform.

But, shouldn’t we also hold off on comparing the guy to FDR and Lincoln before he’s done anything?

Obama hasn’t even taken the oath of office yet, and it’s already an unfair right-wing attack to say that Obama isn’t on par with Lincoln and FDR. What’s next? Will it be slander to say Obama’s a carbon-based life form? Will the Secret Service investigate you if you’re overheard saying you think Obama’s merely “OK”?

While such sycophancy from the national press is lamentable, at this point it’s hardly news."

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful that no one reads blogs on Thanksgiving.  I am thankful that people are too busy with friends, family, and football to spend any time reading about how I don't think Barack Obama is actually better than Jesus. 

I am also thankful that, for the next couple months at least, I can say that without being whisked away to a nice, cozy jail cell.

I am also thankful that, since no one reads blogs on Thanksgiving, I can confess freely, and without fear, to past sins and misdeeds.

So here it goes.

I once shot a man in New Orleans. 

We were arguing over whether Van Halen was better with Hagar or DLR.   I took the DLR side, of course.  He didn't.  So I shot him.  He deserved it. 

He bled a lot, and I gave him a hanky so he could tie off the powerful flow of blood.  Not sure if he made it or not.  I ran out screaming, "That was for you, Diamond Dave!  That was for you!"

Looking back, I kinda feel bad. 

Wow. 

It feels great to get that off my chest.

Thankfully, no one will ever know.

The Messiah Hasn't Even Taken Office Yet and I'm Already Sick of this Blind Lemming Love

This pearl of wisdom comes courtesy of the throbbing brains of massive intellect at something called the "National Security Network:"

“Experts agree that the release of a new tape by Al Qaeda's second in command Ayman al-Zawahri indicates that Al Qaeda feels threatened and is on its heels after Obama's resounding victory. President-elect Obama's diverse background, along with his pledge to reverse many of the policies and approaches of the Bush administration on issues such as detentions at Guantanamo, torture and the war in Iraq has served to dramatically improve America's image, especially in the Muslim world. Counter-terrorism expert Richard Clarke explained, "Most of all, by returning to American values the world admires, Obama sets al Qaeda back enormously in the battle of ideas, the ideological struggle which determines whether al Qaeda will continue to have significant support in the Islamic world."

To call this a crock of shit is an insult to crocks of shit everywhere.  If you happen to have one, I would shield its eyes from this drivel.  If there's one thing I can't abide, it's a crock of shit with negative self image.

So, the Messiah's election has changed global terror game, huh?  Terrorists are now scared, they are now gonna start thinking twice, they are now gonna re-think their whole business model.

Wow.  Where to start?

So, when terrorists bombed the World Trade Center in 1993, that was Bush's fault, even though Bill Clinton was guiding the world with wonderful American values...

When terrorists bombed the embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, that was Bush's fault, even though Bill Clinton was guiding the world with wonderful American values...

When terrorists bombed the USS Cole, that was Bush's fault, even though Bill Clinton was guiding the world with wonderful American values...

And when terrorists blew up the World Trade Center during the first months of the evil Bush presidency, you know, those evil days when evil Bush pressed for evil policies like No Child Left Behind, it was because Bush was not following the same glorious American policies as Bill Clinton.

Come on, folks.  Terrorists in Iraq, and the Middle East, don't give a damn about Obama.  They are "threatened" because for the past 7 years we've been killing them by the basketful in Iraq and elsewhere.

However, I knew this would happen...and none of us can be surprised.  

Now that the ObamaJesusGod Messiah has been elected, everything that was bad is now good. 

And everything that remains bad will be blamed on George Bush.

Oh, No He Di'int!!!!!

CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - Al-Qaida's No. 2 leader used a racial epithet to insult Barack Obama in a message posted Wednesday, describing the president-elect in demeaning terms that imply he does the bidding of whites.

The message appeared chiefly aimed at persuading Muslims and Arabs that Obama does not represent a change in U.S. policies. Ayman al-Zawahri said in the message, which appeared on militant Web sites, that Obama is "the direct opposite of honorable black Americans" like Malcolm X, the 1960s African-American rights leader.

Sweet!  Now, finally, Liberals may start to actually hate Al Qaida!

Kill innocent people in their offices, homes, and shopping malls?  No big deal...They're "freedom fighters."

Blow up kids in pizza parlors?  Hey, America is just as bad, mister!

Send Downs Syndrome teens to blow themselves up in open air markets?  Hey, we need to understand the "root causes."

But make a racial slur?  Oh, boy.  NOW you've gone too far!

Finally, perhaps, the Left in America will begin to realize the terrorists are evil.  Oh, so what if they excuse/apologize (for) violence, real torture, and real religious intolerance.  Whatever it takes to get the Left and the Media to turn on terrorism, I'm all for. 

Count me in.

Now, if only Osama Bin Laden would criticize the American Public School system or speak out against a women's right to choose, then we would probably have to turn Libs away from military recruitment centers with fire hoses.

And if he were to come out in favor of Prop 8?  Oooh, we'd have a Third World War on our hands.

Until then, baby steps, people.  Baby steps.

I Am So Not Gonna Hold My Breath....

Remember George Bush's inaugural in 2004?  Remember how the Media spent the weeks leading up to it, and the day itself, wringing their collective hands over the impropriety of having too lavish an affair?

We were at war.

People were having some tough economic times.

The Media spent almost all of that day asking, "Now, is this too much?"  "Is this the right tone the Bush Administration wants to set in these troubled times?"  "Is this going too far?"

I do.

Well, folks, guess who's inauguration party/fiesta/extravaganza is all set to break the bank in terms of over-the-top spending, lavishness, and excess?

If you guessed Barack ObamaJesusGod, then you are correct.

Billions of dollars and gazillions of balloons and money and minks and light shows and Crystal and limos and parties and booze and diamonds and pearls and on and on.

We are still at war.

These times are a hell of a lot tougher than 2004.

You know where this is heading, don't you?

If you do, then you don;t need me to tell you that it is very unlikely that Couric, Williams, Gibson, Matthews, Cooper, Campbell, Olbermann, Stephanopolous, Gergen (what a great conservative), Gray, etc, etc will spend an iota of time wringing their hands about the propriety of such lavishness in a time of great uncertainty for America.

But that damn George Bush...Now he was a real bastard!

The Chosen One Has Already Begun to Heal the Planet!

Thank you, President Elect Messiah! 

Temperatures in most areas of the country are well below average this year!

(Psst...No one tell Al Gore!)

I LOVE Slogans!

If we've learned one thing as a nation these past few months, it is the fact that is incredibly easy to dupe tens-of-millions lazy-minded drones into voting for you with a simple slogan, a promise of Change, and the ability to say absolutely nothing of meaning or importance in hundreds of stump speeches and debates.

As it turns out, there are shitloads of really malleable Americans out there.  Like kittens and string, throw them slick slogans and empty words, and they will play with themselves for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years. 

How easy is it, you ask?

YES WE CAN!  CHANGE!  HOPE!

That's it...That did it.

Like any good propaganda, just repeat, repeat, repeat and never say anything deeper or more insightful, and you too can become president!  You too can lead millions.  You too can attain power.

So it got me to thinking...What can Conservatives do the next time around?  Well, a good start would be to come up with our own mindless, easily-followable slogan or catch phrase.

Here are some thought starters...Later, we'll break up into groups so you can all brainstorm then, at about a quarter till, we'll meet again as a group and discuss.

Here's a first pass:

-Cheese Binds Me Up!

-I Love the Smell of Gasoline!

-My Ears are Ringing!

-Molesting Children is Bad!

-Alfonso Ribeiro!

-Damn, That is Some Tasty Tuna Carpaccio!

-My Arm is Sore!

-Turk 182!

-Don't Fall Off the Trundle bed!

-Everyone Should be Rich!

-The Earth is not Flat!

-Hellman's Mayonnaise is Better Than Miracle Whip!

-Heads Up!

-Wash...Rinse...Repeat!

-Metamorphosis!

-Taste the Country Goodness!

-Linville!

-Someone Please Remember to Pick up Grandpa!

-Scootin' Around the Poodle Factory!

-Gotta Cut Loose, Footloose!

-Dying is Bad!

-Eat your Heart Out, Delta Burke!

-That's My Sandwich!

Well, I'm exhausted...Coming up with vapid slogans is a lot harder than it looks.  Man, those Obama people really are hard-working geniuses!

Ya Gotta Love Democrats....

They do have huge, F-You, sized balls.  As in, "we've done something wrong?  F-You, for even mentioning it!"  or "We've been caught in scandal?  F-You, we're not stepping down...We're not feeling any remorse!"

I mean, Chris Dodd gets kickbacks from Countrywide, profits obscenely from the Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae debacles, and yet, he gets to keep his Senate Banking Chairmanship?  And all the while, Harry Reid is trying to strip everything from Joe Lieberman for the sin of supporting his friend in the presidential election.

It must be nice to go through life completely devoid of the ability to feel shame or, even harder still, to have any moral standards.

Kudos to you, Chris.  You are truly at home in the Democrat Party!

From the Connecticut Post:
WASHINGTON -- Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd said Thursday he intends to remain at the helm of the Senate Banking Committee next year rather than take on a new assignment in the post-election leadership shuffle.

After taking a day to consider his options, Dodd decided against succeeding Sen. Joe Biden as chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and will instead remain chairman of the Banking Committee -- a post he assumed in January 2007 when Democrats regained the majority in the upper chamber.

(Isn't it nice of the CP to not mention any of the scandals?  Real bulldog journalism at its finest!)

Talk About Change...Finally, A Movie Musical for Heterosexual Men to Rally Behind!

Took me a while, but I recently saw Tim Burton's version of Sweeney Todd, starring Johnny Depp.

I gotta say, I really, really liked it.  Almost no dancing, lots of blood, and a beautifully gloomy London backdrop.

And that Stephen Sondheim really knows how to write a catchy tune.

It's safe to go back into the water, my brothers...If the wife suggests a cozy, romantic movie night with a little candlelight, some wine, pheasant-under-glass, and a little Sweeney Todd just dive right in. 

You'll enjoy it and you'll score valuable sensitive husband points.

If You Follow the Mainstream Media You May Have Missed This....

I just bought gas for $2 a gallon.

That's not a typo.

$2.

Now, if that surprises you, maybe it's because the Media doesn't think that falling of gas prices are nearly as damaging to George Bush important as the spikes we saw earlier in the year.  They loved to hype the spikes...Those shiny, happy spike hypers.

But let me ask you this.  If this were November 2009, with the Chosen One in the White House and prices were down to $2 a gallon, do you think the Media would be hyping the low, low prices?

I do, too.